I weigh the same now as I did 10 years ago. Since then I've had two children, gained cellulite, and watched my waistline just, well, spread. Last year I worked out, ate fiber bars like they were the greatest thing ever and finally fit into a super cute suit. Loved it. But it was totally immodest (I admit it) and felt completely uncomfortable every time I got up off my lounge chair. Which was a lot since I have little kids who like to actually get INTO the water. By the end of the summer, I had found a different suit (still cute) that covered a little more. Frankly, I was sick of sucking my stomach in and not eating.
I love food. Moving on.
Over the past year I've tried to become more realistic with my body image. And the fact that I'm not just gonna wake up with my 20 year old legs any time soon...ok ever. I want to accept me. I really do. Cellulite, increasingly grey hair, fatty tumor (got one of those too!) and all. But it is ridiculously hard!
So, I've been doing something different this year. I've been praying that God would help me see myself the way that he sees me. I stopped looking through all the magazines at the store while I stood in line. I trained for a half marathon and didn't think about if it was changing my body; I just wanted to accomplish my goal. I ate foods that were good for me and tried to find a balance in between being healthy and being a health nut. I thought about what our pastor's wife said about modest dress when she discussed purity a few weeks ago.
And I bought a new swimsuit.
At first I was concerned I looked a bit matronly. Just because I'm getting older doesn't mean I want to look a older than I am. But, after getting the ok from Terry and several neighbors, I took the plunge. Is is so freeing!!! To own a bathing suit that covers me and all of my jiggly bits and that I don't have to "suck it in" for is helping bring me to a place of peace with my body.
Being comfortable in your own skin, or body as it were, is a mental feat. I'm working on it, and though I have lots of relapses (ie: comparing myself in a negative or positive way to another woman) God is changing my heart. Because it's not perfecting my body He's concerned with.
I praise you because I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made! Psalm 139:14