Last night our pastor was speaking on fear and using the story of Gideon to illustrate his points. He was in the part of the story when God tells Gideon the 32,000 men that had volunteered to fight the Midianites that numbered well over 100,000 was "too many". So, through several processes God weeded the men down to only 300. It seemed a very backwards way to accomplish the goal of crushing 100,000 of your enemy. Craig's point was this, sometimes God asks you to go backward in order to go forward.
Since the moment we knew God was calling us to a ministry at Lifechurch, I kind of felt as though we were going backward. I have struggled with the fact that we chose for me to go back to work to help us out financially instead of sucking it up and doing whatever we had to do for me to stay home. There were so many aspects of that decision that I often forget about; I feel like I just sold out. But God has revealed to me while staying home, I had become complacent. It wasn't that I didn't think I needed God, but I was sure acting like it. He kicked me out of that rut in a mighty way with me at work. All I could do was pray. There was nothing I was in control of anymore.
I felt like we were going backward by having to make new friends when I already have 4 that I have become so close to. I was totally content. I was more than covered with friendships. So covered that I never really reached out to anyone else. Now, I have begun to forge several new friendships and have one person in mind that I would like to mentor me. I've never had that before.
I am going forward even though it feels a bit backward, and I like it! As I stated before the growth has been painful, but necessary and quite frankly this is just the tip of the iceberg and it's already pretty great. Now, I've just got to let Him sink the old ship completely. (Don't you just love a good analogy? And yes, I teach English, but not the creative writing stuff. So don't ever expect too much witty and well written commentary here. Ok, well written in the grammar and mechanics way yes, but great expository, no. Heavens, now I'm rambling which doesn't help.)