Thursday, June 29, 2006

That Balloon

Yesterday when Reia and I looked outside her window we saw the pink balloon stuck in the backyard tree she had just Tuesday bemoaned the loss of. As she was crying I tried to console her by thinking of all of the fun places God would take that balloon.

"That balloon didn't make it very far, did it Mom?" she observed as only a four year old could.

I thought about how much I feel like that balloon. I have read so many wonderfully inspirational posts lately, and books by fabulous mothers who have been there and done that. I felt moved to so much action by Beth Moore when we did our Living Beyond Yourself Bible study. I had these grand visions of what kind of mother I wanted to be, and I was sure God wanted me to be. Leading her children across the seas of life helping them to grow in God and inspire others at the same time. Like this mom, or this one and this one, who is even a friend of mine. But a day or week or month later, I am still battling with the same behaviors that tie me down and I haven't stayed the course. Essentially, I'm stuck behind the house in a tree, quickly about to lose the potency of my helium.

But God is so good. He's helping me to see that He has a plan just for me. Of course it includes being a great wife to T. and a great mom to my girls, but not necessarily the same plan as other moms. That's not to say that I can't glean a great deal of wisdom from what they have experienced. But God calls us to different circumstances and agendas for our family. I am finally applying what God has been telling me for so long. And it feels so nice. It's freeing. It's trust in Him. Trust that even though I look at all the ways I know I need to change or be "better", and am completely overwhelmed by it, that God has it covered. He knows what areas of my heart need work first and reminds me of how much He has already accomplished in me. It's all in His timing and won't happen over night.

Don't you ever pray about something and wake up expecting to "feel" totally different about said issue only to find that you feel exactly the same? Or do you ever just want a step by step? "Now, Robin if you do A, B, and C it will fix xyz issue." So far as I can tell, that's just now how God works. Refinement takes time, and patience and effort. Oh, and did I mention patience?

I don't feel like I am going to be stuck in a tree for a while (can't say never) but He can untangle what ever mess I get into. Whew! By the way, we spotted the infamous pink balloon this morning on the ground beside our house. It hadn't gone far, but it did move. That's always a good step.


BooMama said...

AW, Robin - that's a great post! Is that the same balloon that y'all were talking about when we were on the phone and Alex started screaming bloody murder? :-)

But you know - I needed to hear this today. I feel like I've been called in ways that aren't necessarily like "other mamas" - but that calling is absolutely the best thing for my family. No doubt about it.

I have a feeling we'll be talking about this in about three weeks.:-)

theresa said...

Just keep listening to him and I'll stop calling you on the phone every five minutes a maybe you'll take two steps this time. :)

Addie said...

I've felt like that balloon most of my adult life. I love it when I look back and realize that a balloon broke free and had floated on up before I even realized.

I think the feeling of that balloon, is really just a lie to make us feel as if God isn't doing a blessed thing in our life!

I loved this post and the honesty behind it. BM is right, that car ride to Savannah will not be quiet for sure. Just promise me, that you all won't have to much fun without me on that Sunday night...'kay?

Robin said...

I can't wait to travel with you gals! And yes, Boo, it is the same balloon. I had to walk away from her so you wouldn't hear all of the carrying on and think maybe some drama runs in the X chromosome of our family! =)

Brenda said...

I think we've all felt that way, Robin, to some degree. I know I have. Sometimes, often, it seems that I'm not making much progress, but it's usually because my timing is out of sync with His.

Great post!

Amanda said...

I read, I lurk but I never comment. This is my favorite thing you have written. It shows your heart and makes me feel like I am not alone. I needed that and that analogy was powerful! You have amazing women in your life too. I love how all of you women are so close and growing together. I need more of that in my life.

Sarah said...

Okay, I had about fourteen things I was going to say here, but then I read all the comments from BM, A, and T, and now I'm so green with jealousy about your upcoming Fun Times Together that I can't remember what I was going to write. You actually SPOKE to BM on the phone?? I'm even greener . . .

Great post:) And be wary of linking me next to Sally Clarkson and a mother of 12--you'll be sadly disappointed! I spent today nursing a baby, picking up 82,000 blocks and Legos, and feeding hungry boys. And that's it. Nothing very inspirational today. I'm a stuck balloon, myself! ;)

Barb said...

See Robin? This is what I love about you. Your honesty. You just do it, day to day, but you do it with openess and you share it with us. Balloons are fleeting, floating things. I sense that you're feet are firmly attached to the ground and you're doing just fine.