Yesterday when Reia and I looked outside her window we saw the pink balloon stuck in the backyard tree she had just Tuesday bemoaned the loss of. As she was crying I tried to console her by thinking of all of the fun places God would take that balloon.
"That balloon didn't make it very far, did it Mom?" she observed as only a four year old could.
I thought about how much I feel like that balloon. I have read so many wonderfully inspirational posts lately, and books by fabulous mothers who have been there and done that. I felt moved to so much action by Beth Moore when we did our Living Beyond Yourself Bible study. I had these grand visions of what kind of mother I wanted to be, and I was sure God wanted me to be. Leading her children across the seas of life helping them to grow in God and inspire others at the same time. Like this mom, or this one and this one, who is even a friend of mine. But a day or week or month later, I am still battling with the same behaviors that tie me down and I haven't stayed the course. Essentially, I'm stuck behind the house in a tree, quickly about to lose the potency of my helium.
But God is so good. He's helping me to see that He has a plan just for me. Of course it includes being a great wife to T. and a great mom to my girls, but not necessarily the same plan as other moms. That's not to say that I can't glean a great deal of wisdom from what they have experienced. But God calls us to different circumstances and agendas for our family. I am finally applying what God has been telling me for so long. And it feels so nice. It's freeing. It's trust in Him. Trust that even though I look at all the ways I know I need to change or be "better", and am completely overwhelmed by it, that God has it covered. He knows what areas of my heart need work first and reminds me of how much He has already accomplished in me. It's all in His timing and won't happen over night.
Don't you ever pray about something and wake up expecting to "feel" totally different about said issue only to find that you feel exactly the same? Or do you ever just want a step by step? "Now, Robin if you do A, B, and C it will fix xyz issue." So far as I can tell, that's just now how God works. Refinement takes time, and patience and effort. Oh, and did I mention patience?
I don't feel like I am going to be stuck in a tree for a while (can't say never) but He can untangle what ever mess I get into. Whew! By the way, we spotted the infamous pink balloon this morning on the ground beside our house. It hadn't gone far, but it did move. That's always a good step.